We post a “Help Wanted” sign, but when people answer the call we turn them away.
How many of you ask for help decorating the Christmas tree and then cringe every time someone places an ornament? How many of you ask for help with the dishes and then rearrange how things are placed in the dishwasher, or re-stack the dishes? Raise those hands high.
Now…..This week I want you to ask for help with at least one thing. One thing that will somehow make your life easier. Then when you ask for help with this one thing, don’t try to control how it’s done. Just stand back and let whomever you ask to help you do it in their own way; without fussing at or judging them. If you ask your husband to help you cook dinner, and he uses all the wrong pots and pans, and does everything differently, let him. If you ask your kids to help you fold the laundry and they don’t fold the towels the way that you would, let them do it.
This sounds like such a simple task, but it is SO hard for so many of us. It requires us to show vulnerability, to admit that we can’t do it all ourselves. To some, this is like admitting total defeat.
“I can help open these. Seriously guys, just let me get in there. What about this little one on the top?”
My sweet husband offered to do the dishes for me the other day. He knew that I’d had a long day and I was tired. We were talking about something so I stood there for a minute while he was washing, to finish our conversation. Watching him wash and stack the dishes got to be so distracting that I couldn’t pay attention to our conversation. He was doing everything all wrong (translation = not how I normally do it). When I suddenly realized what I was doing I busted out laughing. He asked what I was laughing at. I said, “I have a post coming up about asking for help and then letting people do it their way and I’m standing here stressing out over you not stacking the dishes the right way”.
Even though I try really hard not to do this, I still find myself doing it occasionally. It is really hard for me to ask for help at all. I want to be able to do things myself. I don’t want to bother people. I want to do it all and then some. But in reality, I need help. We all do. Sometimes I can be Super Woman, but sometimes even Super Woman needs help from her friends.
Too many times we ask someone to do something for us and then we stand over them and tell them how to do it. We ask for their help, but when they don’t do it exactly as we would, we get frustrated and take it back, or worse, we do it over. Doing these things defeats the entire purpose of asking for help in the first place. We ask for help so that we have the time to do something else. If we are standing over someone, telling them how to do the thing we asked them to do, then we aren’t doing anything else we need or want to do. If we fuss at them for not doing things the way we would, then they start to wonder why they agreed to help in the first place. This only serves to make them less likely to offer help in the future. It also robs them of the benefits of helping you.
Ask for help, and then accept it in the way it is given.
What does any of this have to do with creativity and living our dream?
Asking for help, and accepting it, gives you a little extra time to do something that you want to do. It relieves some of your workload and thus your stress. Asking for help is an often overlooked form of self care. For people who try to take on everything themselves, this is a big deal. Once you allow yourself to ask for help, and accept it, you can start to zero in a little more on what it is that you would LIKE to be doing. You can start to find those things that you enjoy doing just because they are fun. You can begin to take the steps needed to find and start living the life that you dream of. You will have the time to do the things you know you need to do to help yourself feel your best.
Too many of us get caught up in doing everything for those around us. We may say, “If I don’t do it, then who will?”. We may be subconsciously using our to-do list as an excuse to play the victim. “I’m so busy I just don’t have time for myself anymore.” Or we may be using busyness to hide from certain emotions that we don’t want to feel.
Some people actually stay busy to avoid doing what they love to do. “Why would anyone do this? That’s just crazy!” I see people doing this all the time. They have a dream that they want to follow, but they are too scared to take that first step towards making their dream happen. They stay so busy that they “don’t have time” to move forward. This is just another way of allowing doubt and fear to stop you in your tracks. You’re not confident enough in yourself and your dream to get started making it happen, so you use busyness as an excuse to stay where you are.
So, ask for help. Allow people to help you in their own way. Then use that time to move yourself toward where you want to be in your life.
It’s not always easy the first few times you ask for help. (I’ve found that leaving the room helps.) It gets easier and easier the more you do it. You’ll start to appreciate the fact that people are willing to help and that you have more time to do other things. You may even learn more about yourself and those around you in the process.
If you need help getting started with asking for help, here are a couple of good articles:
- 7 Effective Ways to Ask for Help (and Get It) | Psychology Today According to what I’ve learned, 3, 5, and 7 are especially true.
- How to Ask for Help and Actually Get It – NY Times Tim Herrera
What do you have trouble letting others help with? What did you ask for help with this week? Let us know in the comments.